09 April 2016

The Walking Dead S06E16 (AMC, 2016)

Negan-JDM TWD.png
By Source (WP:NFCC#4), Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=50044387

… What the fucking clusterfuckery fuck was motherfucking that?

Did I just invest fourteen hours (I'll explain) of my life, hooked by decent characterisation and a propulsive narrative, only to be rewarded with a ninety-minute season finale of nothing for the first 75 minutes, eventually introduces us to Negan (Jeffrey Dean Morgan, making a decent fist of his villain despite inhabiting an MA-rated world), and in its final seventeen fucking minutes treats me like I'm a fucking moron?

Why fucking yes, by fuckity fuck, I most mothefuckingly fucking did.

Fuck you, The Walking Dead TV show. Fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU.

(Fourteen hours of viewing when it's a sixteen ep season? Because I miscounted, went straight to the finale and barely noticed I'd missed anything.)

25 March 2016

The Walking Dead S06E05–14 (AMC, 2015)

By Source, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=47883318

Ten eps on from the beginning of this season and I'm hooked. I shit you not.

Carol's (Melissa McBride) character arc from stone cold killer to broken survivor was mightily believable. Glen (Steven Yeun) gets some cred for following through on what it takes to be a survivor in this new world. Eugene (Josh McDermott) gets the best and most drolly delivered lines.

I even thought Denise's (Nurse Jackie's Merritt Wever) behaviour — doing everything a stupid zombie-story character does to deserve to die — was acceptable because she had to test herself to know that she was worthy. (Maybe you have to watch the ep to see what I'm getting at.)

Shit's looking good, man.

22 January 2016

The Intern (2015; Nancy Meyers)

What did I expect from the director of Something's Gotta Give and It's Complicated, films I started watching with the Better Half before I ran screaming and retching from the den after ten minutes of running time?

Yeah, it was mawkish and lead-footed, and I paused the player at the ten, then fifteen minute marks, not quite in agony or nausea, but still ready to throw in the towel.

But leads Robert De Niro and Anne Hathaway have a nice chemistry that make this film watchable. Sure De Niro continues to cruise through his golden years — hey, he's allowed to — while Hathaway does a decent fist of a start-up entrepreneur struggling with the pulls of motherhood and wifehood.

I'm glad I unpaused the player both times. But it was a close run thing.

03 January 2016

Star Wars VII (2015; JJ Abrams / Abrams, Lawrence Kasdan and Michael Arndt)

Star Wars The Force Awakens Theatrical Poster.jpg
"Star Wars The Force Awakens Theatrical Poster" by Source. Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia.

First and only thoughts upon leaving the screening of this long-awaited instalment:
  • it's a shameless, shameless remake of Star Wars IV;
  • after twenty minutes of ads and trailers, I’m like, “Fuck you, Cinema Theatre Experience: I’ll fuckin’ wait”;
  • upon hearing it's likely the first of another Star Wars trilogy, the Better Half said, “I love you but I'm not watching any more of this rubbish”;
  • to the Canadian salesman who responded to a lukewarm review by wishing reviewer Andrew O’Hehir dead: fucking drop dead yourself, you motherfucking loser;
  • I goddamned guarantee you that the final of this trilogy will be motherfuckin’ split into two parts.

21 December 2015

Ho Goddamned Ho

Ah, the holiday season: where manners go south because every motherfucker's full of the fuckin' festive spirit.

It's not all mistletoe and armour-piercing ammunition, but: thanks to those open source elves in Hollywood, we can hide out in our entertainment dens with screeners like Quentin Tarantino's The Hateful Eight

The Hateful Eight.jpg
"The Hateful Eight" by Source (WP:NFCC#4). Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia.

Ryan Coogler's Creed

Creed poster.jpg
"Creed poster" by Source. Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia.

… and for the little woman in your life, Todd Haynes' Carol.

Carol (film) POSTER.jpg
"Carol (film) POSTER" by Source. Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia.

Happy holidays.

29 November 2015

Marvel's Agents of SHIELD S03E01 (ABC, 2013–)

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. title 2.jpg
"Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. title 2" by Source. Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia.

I've been enjoying The Flash and Arrow so much that I've totes forgot that this rival comic-book show is being broadcast at the same time.

Per this post's title, I did start watching this season opener and… I dunno. Meh. Meh enhanced humans meh super meh conspiracy meh Nick Fury meh meh meh. According to my viewing diary, I've watched the first fifteen minutes of this ep twice and I couldn't tell you the first goddamned thing about those lost thirty minutes of my life.

I think I can safely and responsibly say the cause of my apathy is that this show has been, despite the involvement of Joss “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” Whedon, consistently underwhelming. Remove Clark Gregg's quippy Agent Coulson and this ensemble piece implodes without trace.

I'm almost tempted to wonder why I sat through the first two seasons of this show.

Almost tempted.